Shorter Story : That 'THING' called love

Week I
"Don't ask about my past!" She said.

He didn't ask. He thought there must have been something quite distressing that might have happened to her, so he shouldn't ask. Curiosity multiplied as seconds ticked away. However, he kept his curiosity to himself.

He was a nice guy(and stupid too), the kind of guys who can be classified as an endangered species nowadays. It was their first talk. She asked his number ~ through net on that day itself after an hour long chat. He did not notice her experience ~ 15000 scraps and a dozen of flirty testimonials, rather was just awed with her choice of words and spontaneity(an euphemism for experience!).

He was in Delhi and she was in Bangalore. Distance was no obstruction since phone lines are always ready to be burnt ~ thanks to reliance on Reliance.

She called him. She started flirting with him. His handsome Orkut pic attracted all those polishing words. He was enjoying every bit of it - it was the first time in his life that it happened the reverse way. Quite a naive(and stupid) guy!

Week II
"I like you." She said. He felt perhaps this is what is called love.

"I like you too." He said with a flattered smile embellishing his cute face.

Talks increased. Even wildest experiences were not spared. He spread his life like an open book in front of her. She listened to him with her chat engine on. He was too gullible(and stupid too) to take a note of it. Plus, she did not tell a thing about her so-called past.

Week III
Thoughts about her clouded his stupid mind. She was good looking and she liked him. What more could he desire. He liked her too. His obsessive thoughts were given a break when she called.

"We both like each other. Why not go to another level?" She started. He was startled. Things had been made easy for him. He did not need to take an initiative. He just needed to say a simple word 'Yes'. He did it.

"Yes, I am ready." He said glibly(and quite stupidly).

"I love you!" She shot the wonderful phrase to his heart. It pierced through creating a wound of joy and he was ecstatic. Everything was so sudden for him. Like all of it had been already written by the Creator himself. He felt grateful to everything around him. Exhaling his long held breath, he said it himself - for the first time in his stupid life.

"I love you too." He said, quite shyly(and stupidly).

Week IV
She was happy. She asked him to mail his snaps. He mailed them. She showed them to her friends. He was looking really handsome. Friends were jealous, she could smell them burning. Her love(oh really, love?) stayed beautiful the whole week. He was all happy, swimming in the sea of love, with her as his lovely partner ~ as lovely as a piranha! Phone bills catapulted to the ceiling... he was relishing even this thing! Stupid!

Her scraps increased from 15000 to 17000. He was not its cause however. He didn't know about it at all since he had been too busy trying different swimming strokes in that algal sea of love. He trusted her. I told you he was too naive(and stupid too).

Week V
Something had gone wrong. He was too stupid to know what was it. There had been no arguments or anything whatsoever. But things were not smooth. He was still swimming though, he found in himself a good swimmer.

There were no calls or message. It was two days now. He was worried. He tried her phone, it was switched off. He switched on his laptop, logged on Orkut - his professional match-maker. He checked her scrapbook. She was talking to someone new...and somewhat more handsome than him, as his profile pic displayed. He checked Mr.Handsome's scrapbook where she had scribbled -

"Don't ask about my past!"

He (stupidly)realized that he had been swimming with a shark. He drowned surviving a brutal attack but now he was no more naive and neither stupid.

P.S. Dedicated to all the nice(and stupid) guys. The world needs your courtesy in the gatekeeping of hotels and department stores- your holding open of doors, your party escorting services, your propensity to be a sucker for a pretty smile is not required to please the sharks out here.

It's an Animal's World

4th October : It's animal's day, infact World Animal's Day. That's why I could see hundreds of dogs and cows smiling all around the city. Other than RJ's mimicing dogs and cats, there was no other thing I could hear in the capital.

I can't understand why these guys hold these kinds of days? They too know that they don't need to distribute blankets nor they need to build school for these animals then what the hell is the intention behind holding these days. Idle people who had no other jobs other than gaining respect from the society by doing some humanitarian work(sorry, 'Animalitarian' work) made this day.

C'mon, let us strain our brains a little about what can we extract from this day. This day, what can we do to make animal's life interesting. Let us analyze :

• We can make sudoku puzzles for them to improve their mathematical abilities : Naa, they are too dumb for it.
• How about creating websites to provide them free e-mail, chat and "Bark-ut"(dog's version for orkut) for social networking : Designing special keyboard for animals would be a mind-boggling task.
• How about involving some parrots in a reality shows - singing competitions such as "Tota Title" or "Murga Recital" : Even if these are telecasted, a serious question is who will watch these programs...
• How about making magazines like Playdog(an animal version of the Playboy) considering their physical needs : Naa, this will be economically not viable as there are very few earning dogs(studs like that Hutch wala kutta are very few in number).
• Having an Olympics for the animals called "Animalyimpics": This seems a cool option, so go and start searching for sponsors for it. You are most probable to return empty handed.

Now hear what I have done to celebrate this auspicious day. I had two leg-pieces and one fish fry as lunch and dinner respectively. That's something to be proud of and even make my friends jealous(courtesy to the unpalatable food of hostel). My tummy protruding out of my shirt owes itself to the yummy animal protein as well as fat, which made my day fruitful today.

Ironically, in reality, it was I who really celebrated this so called red-lettered day called "World Animal's Day", because I am grateful to that chicken which tasted so yum and satiated my hunger completely for hours. I will remember its taste forever(this remembrance brings saliva into my mouth even now). People of PETA or or any other NGO related to animals must have done some social works or had seminars or even had nude models walking for them for this special day, but they could not counter the pleasure of the two leg pieces I had on this special day. I am excluding the pleasure of the people who had been with a nude model, as ofcourse that would have 'tasted' better. In fact, it is only me who really felt the importance of animals in my life. How plain and awful this life would have been if there were no chickens and fishes?

Organizations like PETA are doing their BEST to promote ethical treatment of animals by emphasizing that someone else's flesh is more lucrative than that of animal's flesh. Their campaign seems to have a great effect amongst the general population as people tend to be more unethical to animals to get to see more and more infinitesimally clad women. I wish, I were in US!...[:(]

Talking about this day, neither can we make this day an official holiday for animals because they really don't do anything, nor can we make this day off for the butchers and the slaughterers, as people would not turn their hunger for flesh down. So why not celebrate this day paying gratitude to the animals for the wonderful taste of their flesh and relishing them with all kinds of recipes. So the conclusion is World Animal's Day is nothing but a day to party with kababs and biryani ornamenting the dining hall. What else can we do? Hmmm? Almost nothing...Isn't it? Can this 'almost' provide us any ray of hope??

There are people amongst us for whom nearly every day is World Animal's Day, and what a pleasure, I also used to be amongst one of them, but from NOW on I choose to become a vegetarian as I love doing things which are challenging and different from what the rest of the world does!

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P.S. It's sarcasm, if you have not got it.
P.S. Happy "World Animal's Day"
P.S. The NOW in the last paragraph came at just that moment of writing and I am going to stick to that.
P.S. It is not an article about vegetarianism, it is just an inspiration - "If you are not happy about something, you need to act NOW. Be the change you want to see in this world."

A word called India

At 11:30 am, I got up from my deep slumber fully rejuvenated, and thanked GOD for providing me this holiday. I loved being free for a day and that too a weekday. After doing my business of the morning(which was now tending to afternoon), I broke my long gap of 14 hours(for me its really really long!) by signing in my orkut account with my strange ID - quantum.harsh and an eleven-lettered password(which everyone pronounces incorrectly). Orkut homepage took 3 seconds to open, and what I observed was that there was a new scrap from a friend of mine, he scrapped me, “Happy Independence Day”. I realized, “Its Independence Day that bestowed me a 10 hours of sleep”. I wondered why the hell is this guy wishing ME? After all, it isn’t so special day of my life.

After 10 minutes of wandering in the profiles of the ‘few’ people in my friend-list, I saw about hundreds of profiles on orkut which had the Tricolor as their picture; which said “Happy Independence Day” with two smileys enclosing the caption in their profile. I was impressed by the patriotism of my friends, their love for the nation was extraordinary, for they got up this day quite early inspite of it being a national holiday and also they are utilising this leisure time by wishing their friends and bigwigs - Happy Independence Day. Strangely, where does this love for nation go in the remaining 363 days of the year? (one day subtracted considering Republic Day)

Sincerely asking, how many of us, in the remaining days of the year, have even thought about our nation? We just have one task to do in the remaining time of the year and that is to criticize the system, to disrespect the motherland by comparing it with other nations, to abuse our motherland for its prejudiced society, becoming more and more inclined towards western style of living but we have no time to contemplate on this freedom which was stamped on our personality right from the day we began to exist. India has become just a word for a vast majority of population living in this country, with the feeling of love for it being aroused only during national holidays.

Today is 15th Aug. If its not your birthday, then certainly you can think of something else for which this day holds some importance. It’s about it being the day of freedom. Freedom once it was achieved became a commonplace straightaway. We took it for granted. But the bitter truth is we still do not value this independence, we don’t still know the meaning of this word freedom.

The meaning of this word ‘freedom’ needs to be elaborated. The lexicons have found the meaning of freedom as the ability to pursue what we want without any second thought. But I personally think that is a very superficial definition. This word freedom has many hidden meanings which need to be stressed. If I ask a straight-forward short-answer question, “Is India free?” The one-word answer that will splatter out of the most mouths of Bhartiya Nagarik would be “YES”. But the question of the moment is - Are we really free? Still we are over-burdened by superstitions and prejudices, still there are stigmas like caste system and regional discriminations in various parts of the country, the political dominion is majorly motivated by personal goals and nepotism and yet we are rejoicing for the fact that we are free. Freedom means being free from all these biases and irrationality. Freedom means freedom to dream big and even bigger and our surroundings encouraging us to capture that dream. Freedom means freedom from hate, anger, violence and jealousy; freedom to do anything we like but taking the consideration of society also. Freedom does not imply having 10 kids and still be in the arena of ministry of the country and thinking for the progress of the nation. Freedom has an ingredient in itself of personal fulfilment as well as social responsibility.

It’s not about becoming respectful to the nation on a particular day but to change the course of our entire actions so that it affects our nation in a positive way. That action maybe as simple as throwing a chewing gum wrapper in a dustbin to returning a lost wallet to the person who lost it; it can be helping destitute with their medicines or stopping bribery wherever it occurs; from removing a brick lying in the middle of the road or preventing embezzlement of hostel funds; from having true insurance claims to speaking truth to your life-partner about your previous relations. The list goes on, these things are very simple and straightforward but it requires immense grit to be able to do them. The effect these actions have on this country may be very subtle to notice, but it will be quite visible in the long term. I am not an idealist who loves writing essays to provoke the mind of people, but I just want you to be aware of your nation and your responsibility to it. Just scrapping “Happy Independence Day” in my scrapbook and thereby incrementing my 5000 scraps by one, does not make me(and even others) feel happy, but your actions in some way or the other has the ability to make the entire nation happy. One day patriotism is like a new chewing gum which loses its taste as time progresses.

P.S. If you have read it, then I appreciate you a lot. Thanks for reading it. Please do comment to make me know who amongst my friends truly value their nation and did not get bored reading about it.
P.S. It was not meant to hurt some real nation lovers, it is just meant for fake people for who INDIA is just a word.

P.S. Country needs you. You just have to look up.

There is no such thing as free lunch :

Amidst the sultry atmosphere of Delhi, what’s more chilling than the air-condition of a PVR. Not much, just 200 bucks were all it demanded to provide me a comfy seat in the second row. My neck tried to revolt a bit, but could not succeed in fighting my strict mind(and lusty eyes for Genelia). Having already filled the accounts of my stomach with an affordable McSwirl cone and an Alu Tikki Burger of McDonalds(Frankly speaking, I’m not lovin‘ it), it was only my thirst that kept haunting me intermittently.

After a two digit prime number of security checks, finally I got into the celebrated PVR plaza at the Connaught Place to watch one of the most celebrated movies of this season. As I was hopping around here and there to catch a glimpse of a really pretty blonde, my eyes found something that I had been desperately wanting. It was not a girl, nor any poster of Angelina Jolie, but it was HLMNO.(HLMNO = H2O = Water) Just outside the entry of the screening theatre, there was a big board proclaiming proudly - “FREE DRINKING WATER”(the font for this slogan was Times but I am using Arial, hope you don't mind). Seeing that, my thirst could not wait for quenching itself. The word FREE in the last phrase was in bold fonts, to display the big-heart of the PVRs. I assured my mind saying, “Chalo, they have been a bit generous by not charging for water.” While I was gulping the chilled water, my mobile vibrated, it was a message from airtel. As I was putting back the mobile(that's the new Sony K530i) in my pocket, I found a paper in the pocket. I pulled out the paper and found that it was a PVR ticket. I carefully observed it. The miser part of my brain suddenly got up from its deep slumber, as what I observed startled me. It was a strange realization - 200 bucks for a movie, bloody heck, they charged for everything they had. The water with the slogan “FREE DRINKING WATER” was not actually free but was included in the ticket only.

The PVRs have been a status symbol for people, as only the elite class can afford them. But the fact is - this very elite class is the most foolish class. They are so extravagant that they buy popcorns whose original price could not exceed 10 rupees by any chance, in 120 rupees. After taking a sip from a 300 ml glass of coke worth Rs.60, guys think that they are too smart or too intelligent. This artificial society has done nothing wrong for deserving all this. Its actually the mastermind of sharp businessmen. Businessmen target the soft spots, they earn money from so subtle sources that ordinary people have no other choice other than envy them. Can you, by any chance, find it logical paying 120 bucks for a cup of coffee in Barista? (special cases involving couples or dates not included!)

The point here I am making is - Should there be any upper-limit to profit making? If there should be then it would paralyze the whole economy. Economy requires freedom to grow, people have the rights to sell their ideas at what price the consumer is willing to pay them, but certainly, the businessmen and corporate levels executive should have a social and moral responsibility to the society. Being a federal economy, Indians have right to sell their ideas making as much ‘greenery’ as possible, but what common people like us want is an honest dealing. What's going on here in PVRs and Malls is nothing less than a loot. The things which we are purchasing in a particular price should more or less be of equal value. The businessmen have implied a shrewd way to extract more money from the society by limiting the access to these 'so called' elite places to lower classes and the middle classes. Places like Barista or Café Coffee Day entertain high class customers with ample green notes to feed their next generations. But very strategically, they cut the access to the general people by their roaring coffee rates. Considering the business, this is a very smart strategy as

• They are making as much profit as they would have by lowering the prices .
  
• They have to entertain less and less people.
• Their restaurants or coffeehouses are much less crowded and well-organized.
  

After seeing all this, I feel that India is certainly a growing economy. This price hike should be normalized and government should make some charges on the high prices. But if this monopoly of prices continues, then sooner or later, people would be buying breads crumbs and laces for shoes for more than hundred bucks!

P.S. The film was Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na. Film was good, the heroine was better and certainly the music was the best. The movie did not have ‘Aamir Khan class’, though.
P.S. McDonalds should have more seats.
P.S. PVR stands for Priya Village Roadshow. Did you know that?
P.S. Finally heavy showers arrived in the Capital.
P.S. Zigzag spellings : Millionaire and questionnaire. Most people get the italicized portions wrong.
P.S. Today's Song : Yaadein by Amit Sana
P.S. The bottomline is A.R.Rahman rocks.

What a Passion!

The Summer of 2008
Place : Dhanbad, Jharkhand(my hometown)

I dropped a ten rupees note in my pocket and left home for meeting my friends in the ISM campus. I entered the campus thinking about what, that I also don't remember. I observed the sky and noticed the trees surrounding the roads. I peeped into the Ruby hostel(That's a girls hostel by the way) but to my disappointment there was no one to please my spectacled eyes . I moved ahead, being somewhere lost in my daydreaming and turned according to the road. An ambassador was circumscribing the campus with a popular Himesh song rocking the surroundings in great volume, perhaps somebody was learning driving. A brief stroll over, still lost in thoughts I opened the gate to the house of Gautum and found myself amongst a nice bunch of people : all of them being holiday returns. Its always heartening to look new faces as we often get bored to see the same faces all the time, much like that I got bored of seeing my own face in the last 18 years. I met Karthik, his stylish new look looked good. I heard his college stories and found it almost similar to mine. We started for the ground to play cricket.

"How many cigarettes you burn daily?", he asked me.
"Zero", I replied.
"Really? Not even in college? Though it looks from your face that you have become a chain smoker."

I got a strange feeling inside, I wanted an immediate plastic surgery for sure. There was a part inside me laughing at the joke, which was pathetic, and another part STUMPED. Come on, my face is not that bad. He related proudly that he smoked a dozen cigarettes daily. That made me ask myself, "Am I missing something? Is smoking so necessary?". It had been almost 19 years since I bawled out on this planet and I have still not experienced one of the best feelings(as they say!) available on this earth. I recalled every gone moments when I was offered that luxury, or when I could have grabbed the opportunity of putting those slim paper-cylinders in between my lips and feel like Sharukh Khan. I lost one year of my college life where I could have enjoyed that luxury without any restrictions.Can you think how big part it is in a smoker's lifetime? I was feeling that I lost something vital.

I remembered the first time when I was offered a cigarette, just to taste(not exactly taste, u may call it 'feel') in a friend's birthday party in the hostel in a great festive mood with the song SUTTA - dedicated to the smokers in the background, making the atmosphere more congenial. It was perhaps the best 'muhurta' for starting this new hobby, many of my friends were initiated into it that day only. And to my bad luck, I refused that offer. Had I not refused the offer, I would have gathered an year-long experience of smoking(which would perhaps add to my CV) & to all my tyro smoker friends I would have been a 'role model' kind of thing.

I thought about the previous week, something else struck my mind adding to my misery. In the previous week, the newspaper 'The Telegraph' conducted a survey called 'What girls like most about men?' and the results were astounding showing that SMOKING stood at the prestigious Rank 6. This thought intensified my feeling of losing something much more(har taraf se gaya!).

Dad's repetitive words, "Opportunities gone never come back" echoed my ears. Sudden vibration in my mobile phone tickled my legs and brought me down to the present moment and I found that I had reached the cricket ground.

I always felt that the world is full of selfish people, people here care for only themselves; but to my pleasant surprise, I found a world of smokers, who are not at all selfish. All my misconceptions are cleared : Smokers are selfless, they never care about themselves, despite reading in every second advertisements and on every cigarette pack that 'cigarette is injurious to health', they untiringly pursue their passion. I may never become like them, though my face resembles them, but I adore them for their utmost devotion and passion. If I had the same passion for my country, I would have worked wonders!

1000 smokers quit smoking everyday,

by dying.

(Written at 12:47 am, 23rd June in Dhanbad)

The Three Mistakes of My Life

I got really excited when I saw Chetan Bhagat’s new book in Big Bazaar. The cost(Rs.95 only) too did not made my wallet frown. I bought that book within a blink(The first mistake of my life, I realized later).When I met my friends, I proudly asked them, “Dude, have you seen Chetan’s new book?” My friends negated to which I proudly replied, “I have got it buddy” and my shrewd smile increased its curvature to form a perfect semi-circle and made me more flamboyant. I loved winning over them in ‘atleast’ one thing for the time being.

My pomp trickled me down to a slippery path of exaggeration(Its so very slippery that it can cause a dumb person to become an RJ or a little talk with a girl to be called as a date, and still we all love doing that!). Having read just the prologue and the first two chapters of the book, I told them the book is stunning with great storyline and blah-blah(Yes, you got that right : The ‘second’ mistake). It is not surprising because Chetan’s writing style especially at the beginning of his writing always looks marvelous(C’mon, he isn’t that bad!). The next few days somehow things didn’t workout, I could not get enough time to complete that book(Got tired of orkutting the whole day!) but that couldn’t stop me from giving free publicity to the guy who thanked Bill Gates in his acknowledgements. I recommended this book to every teenager I came across. Chetan must be getting hiccups everytime I advertised his book. Why shouldn’t I publicize? Its my fundamental duty to give a guy moral support who sat through the same tortures in the same lecture theatres as I am doing presently.

God was ‘a bit’ kind on me. My mom gifted that book to somebody(poor he!) for which I had a nice fight at home because the book was incomplete and I thought I would read it someday. The main problem was that I couldn’t complain to any of my friends about the lost that book because they were knowing that I had finished the book(courtesy to my exaggerations). Fortunately, my resentment faded away soon with incoming 200 scraps and numerous ‘gtalk’ conversations. Internet is a panacea, it can cure all your ailments. Days went by as fast as guys score runs in IPL(sorry for that dumb simile, I couldn‘t find anything better conveying my feelings).

I had a trip to Shirdi in the second week of June. I had taken two books(Paulo Coelho‘s stuffs) for the journey to provide my mind some philosophical entertainment(sounds weird, eh?). But the non-stop chatter of a 7-year old overenthusiastic “kid” brought me down to read some fiction(How could he understand the value of concentration, until he would need to fry his bottom to prepare for the competitions!). So I considered it a right time for finishing off with the incomplete book. At Jabalpur station, I committed the third biggest mistake of my life and nobody stopped me, not even my intuition.

I got down the train and purchased that book once again, and to add icing on the cake the shopkeeper told me, “Saheb, ye book bahot bik rahi hai”. My ego knew no bounds and a sudden pride sprang up : The book that I had suggested to my friends is gonna be a best-seller, “I rock!”. I came back happily on my seat and ‘dated’ the book for the next five continuous hours(Fortunately or unfortunately, that kid got down at the next station). The book provided me more jerks than the train. It was the same : filmy, melodramatic, repetitive, monotonous and non-sensical, in short disgusting. I could dream of continuous jeers from my friends, about this book, targeted at me with great force after they read it. The scenes from the film “The Butterfly Effect” flashed my eyes where I could go to the past and craft my future according to my own wish. Only in dreams I could save myself from my friends, who would leave no stones unturned in pulling my leg. Perhaps that’s why I am tall.

Book Analysis :

In the cup life of a Gujarati businessman, Mr.Bhagat added the spice of cricket, calamities, financial bottlenecks, friendship, romance, eroticism, emotional dilemmas, religious fanaticism and also maths(not to forget Mr.Bhagat ought to be good at this stuff). In a way the recipe for the script of a typical Indian movie could be found in that 95 rupees book.

Mr.Bhagat has gone somewhere wrong, he started writing out of his passion and now I believe he has drifted towards enriching his bank accounts. His books, save the stunning 5.someone, were a complete shit. He tried to do every kind of experiment on those, he tried to send us a message through God or tried to bring out the extremism of the religious fronts, but amidst all this he has forgotten to take care of the readers. He has become highly repetitive as his writings are always revolving around 3 to four friends of which one is stud, one is dull and the third, the narrator, is a guy suffering from ‘superb’ inferiority complex. The repetitions in the storyline tickles my small intestine and makes me uncomfortable. His writings claim to be true, but it is hard to find it in this real world of ours, ‘which moves around the sun if he notices’, so many coincidences are ‘beep’ impossible. If what he has written is true, then I am desperately expecting Ali to come out of nowhere in our Cricket team and replace Sachin and oh my jesus, I haven’t heard of that guy called Fred of the Australian team to be counted among the ‘Legends’. Comparing him with the legends like Naipul, Rushdie is inappropriate because he is not yet versatile, he needs to grow.
This is purely critical analysis, my views put in words. Every sentence describes my feelings and if this hurts anybody then prove your point to me or go to hell. Being a fan is the easiest thing in the world, just follow the herds of people who blindly follow a person. But one should apply one’s mind before carrying on someone else’s beliefs. Chetan Bhagat is undoubtedly very successful and his writing style is cool, but this monotony pinches me hard(and also tickles me, if you remember) and makes me comment on it. I would love to have your views on this book and also on Mr.IITian-IIMian husband of Mrs.Bhagat.

Sometimes I am bad, and the problem is that ‘sometimes’ happens too often.

(Written on 12th June in Shirdi)

Astrology : What's that?

Scientifically, the effect of the gravitation forces of the sun, moon and the planets is equivalent to the gravitational force exerted by a piece of pea suspended in air 20 metres away. It is totally absurd to say that the gravitational force of these celestial bodies will have any effect on our lives.

Quoting "Autobiography of a Yogi", Yogananda says that astrology is such a great science that even a real astrologist who can see the future of a person instantly on seeing the face will never ever dare to tell that person his/her future because no real gyani will ever play with the will of God. He will let everything happen on its own.

So all those people who hold the so called post of astrologist or palmists are mere frauds who have discovered a great technique of extracting great money from the naive and gullible people of India.

One should be rational and scientific. I am glad to note that our former President Mr.A.P.J.Abdul Kalam clearly wrote in his autobiography, "Wings of Fire", that he cannot understand the reason behind astrology and he does not believe it.

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