I'm a witness to a radical transformation in myself. With passing time, the word intention is taking precedence over each and every other word that defined my life earlier and I'm getting closer to attain what perhaps is the most important thing in life. Knowledge.
Is it an effect of my journey? Maybe. I don't exactly know. The entire goal behind everything that I'm doing, be it meeting new people, hearing new stories, gaining new perspectives or reading new books is to become a better writer. Anything that doesn't lead me there is a distraction and I find myself aversive to that thing.
I want to learn right now. Learn so much that ten years down the line when I look back, I realize that I invested my prime years of my youth doing things I love, learnings things that would help me in doing things I love better.
The second most important thing that this sudden transformation within me has brought is that it has lowered the hype of things around me. For example, recently I wrote an article for The Hindu, they didn't accept it, despite the fact that it was one of the most heartfelt articles I'd ever written. Had it been my earlier self, I would have gone crazy and hyper with anxiety waiting for their response - and if there had been no response, I would have become frenzied about it because of disappointment. Now, it hardly registers an effect on my mind. Getting that article published doesn't precede my happiness. I would rather be stable and happy, than letting a "thing" affect my happiness.
Elucidating this fact further, recently I got through Young India Fellowship and indeed, it was one of the best things to have happened to me. I was elated, but I was normal at the same time. It was not like "The Only Thing" I have in my life that could make me jump and cry and all that. Even if I hadn't qualified, I would have travelled, maybe started-up a venture, re-applied the next year and be calm about it. I now realize what has happened to me. I have become calmer. No, it's not that things don't vex me. It is more about results not vexing me, because actions still do. I get really irritated with myself if I end up hurting someone emotionally. I get really annoyed if I see someone wasting his/her life out of sheer laziness. But "getting something out of something" has been replaced by a very simple yet powerful word called learning. Everything teaches. Everybody teaches. And I have suddenly started to love learning. Every little or grand ambition can wait, until I have learned enough, because that gives me a faith that yes, I would be able to pursue my ambition in a much better fashion if I'm sufficiently equipped with knowledge.
