On indifference

I am not the same person that I used to be when I migrated from my hometown to Delhi. I've changed. I used to be a shy, self-conscious, opinionated, rigid and determined nerd who had an opinion about every single thing in this universe, who disliked things which didn't fit in his rationale. Now, I'm sort of detached to majority of the things in this universe. It's not that I've stopped caring, it's just that I've regulated things that I care about. You may call that I've become selfish.

Being selfish has its own pros and cons. It makes you focussed about your ambitions, but at the same time it makes you indifferent to majority of things which others think should bother you. The end result is that you unconsciously might end up hurting people - not by doing anything, but rather by doing nothing. Initially, people expect you to respond to things that you're indifferent about. But when they don't get the desired response, they feel bad and stop expecting. You get what you want - no expectations from you and they get to know what they should expect from you - no response. The end result is a different kind of freedom, which seems solitude at first and becomes loneliness later. Because when you come out of your ocean of self, you realize that there is nobody around to share your 'self' with. Your indifference becomes the cause of your desolation and thus, indifference gestating inside you gives birth to its offspring - depression.

Dear Mother

Dear Mother,

I've been fortunate to be the reason for your happiness since my early childhood. Perhaps that's why you named me Harsh. It has always been my endeavour to make you proud of me in things that I give my heart and soul into. Lately, I haven't been able to give you that contentment which you had always expected of me. I'm not sorry about it since the truth of the matter is that the thing that I've given my heart and soul has still not borne fruits and is going to take a long time. And you've got to wait, along with me, to celebrate the fruits of my passion.

The road that I've currently chosen is tough, full of prickles and deadly thorns, with the presence of countless possibilities - both heartening and disheartening. It's going to take a lot of time to be able to achieve anything which would make you proud of me, which would enable you to say proudly to your friends that your son is an entrepreneur, that your son pursued something different and made a mark of himself. The road is deadly; it might be possible that in the middle of the journey, I get so bruised up that I am not able to carry myself further. Forgive me, if that happens. The road is treacherous; it might be possible that at the end of the day, I sit back and realize that I've made tons of mistakes that I shouldn't have. Reinforce my faith, if that happens. Because it was you who taught me not to fear mistakes while chasing my dreams. I wouldn't stop. The road is unknown; it's possible that at the end of the day I realize that the road was not worth going into and I've to crawl back to the place where I began. Congratulate me on my experience, if that happens. I know that my path is risky. But that's what excites me. That's what gives me a thrill. That's what tells me the meaning of this life. That's what I attain bliss from. And that's what defines me.

Believe me mother, when I say that I heartily enjoy what I'm doing, despite knowing the facts that I might not be able to lead a comfortable life for the next two years, that I've become the least prospective bridegroom in consideration for any of the well-off families, that you have to fight the whims of the society which constantly pesters saying that I had been stupid in choosing the road less travelled over the conventional options, that it might ruin my chances of living a life free from hassles, that I might end up being bankrupt if things don't turn out as expected. The good thing is I'm not scared. The better thing is there is no bad thing, just because of the good thing. I'm ready to take the leap - leap into the unknown just to know where my end lies - across the sky or beneath the ground. I can't promise you success but I can promise you my hard-work, and I'll make sure that I leave no stones unturned to touch my dream to perfection.

Coming from your womb, I'm fortunate to be endowed with all your traits - determination, passion and love - which gives me the confidence to trudge this dangerous path with unmatched vigour and resilience to make the impossible possible. From my end, I can assure you that I wouldn't stop, not until my last breath - to sculpt my passion into a living icon. Please don't worry, and be happy, just because I'm happy.

With love and faith.

Your Son

Harsh

Promise

Those words, simple yet appealing
Touched my heart, the heart that was yours
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

Life had a reason
A reason to love, live and love again
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

Emotions meandered and meandered,
Until, it entered a road of bliss -
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

I thought, I felt and I believed
We were destined to be together
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

I thought you were to keep it.
You thought I were. The result was -
It remained a promise
That was to be kept, forever