ENNUI - On Present

I'm having a funny phase in my writing life. I'm at my creative best when it comes to wits, observations and conversational humour, but I'm facing a difficult time sitting and completing my novel. The reason, that I feel to be responsible behind this is the fact that while writing the novel, I'm lacking attention - not from my side but from the other side. I'm not sharing what I'm writing with anyone even though I desperately want to share, just because I want to complete it first, since I would not be doing justice to my creation or to my readers' eagerness by sharing just a small portion with them. I'm facing a writer's block, a rather strange one, where creativity is not restricted but perseverence is.

The end result is that I'm writing such meaningless notes, which tend to convey some meaning but actually conveys that I'm perplexed and weird - which has some meaning, but it's utterly useless to me, since I already know it. I don't know what I'm writing but I am noticing that I speak when I write and that's quite pleasing since I can notice that I can type at the speed at which I speak, which can be hell fast at times. I'm listening to a song called 'Another Day in Paradise' by Phil Collins. It's a simple 90s english song which has more of synth and less of guitars and drums. Phil Collins has a typical 90s voice, which seems similar to the commentator of WWE. The tune of the song is uncomplicated, fittingly romantic and the drum-beats remind me that it's based on the most basic beat that one learns in drumming. I also realize that such beats are available in almost all the versions of synthesizers, generally in the first ten of the 'style' beats with the name of '8 beat pop'. However utterly meaningless it may be, I'm wondering that you still are reading it with the hope that there will be something that would be interesting somewhere, whereas the matter of the fact is that it is, if you realize that I'm just writing what comes in my mind to break the block that I'm facing. It's called free writing. I don't know whether it works or not, because when earlier I tried it, I came up with a story called 'The Wait' in my blog 'Graffiti' and I was quite happy with the outcome. Presently, it's more about the present. The song has changed to 'Depend on me' by Bryan Adams. I like him, because he's sung some of the nicest romantic songs I've ever heard, my favorite being 'Have you ever really loved a woman?' I like it because I have. However, in this free flowing writing, I better should not spill my life's story, since writing an autobiography now after breaking this writing block is not my intention.

One thing that strikes my mind right now is the feeling of being good at something. It's an amazing feeling when you realize that you're really good at something. The feeling doesn't emerge from the fact that others like you, but rather, it emerges from the fact that you start liking yourself. When you feel your status messages are worthy of being preserved, when you feel the tunes in your head are worthy of being recorded, the feeling of having an idea worth pursuing and the feeling of a person worth sharing your life with just because you're good at making him/her happy; these are some of the most enchanting moments one would ever encounter. I feel good to feel good about something that I do, something that I am capable of doing. As a matter of truth, I also believe that no great thing can ever be achieved without that good feeling from within. I'm feeling good right now, since I'm actually in now, with Jagjit Singh's wonderful voice singing 'Kabhi yun bhi to ho' in the background. I like music. I like writing. And I like living. I think that's my dose of free writing, it's time to get back to the task waiting to reach its end, time to tell the story, time to live another world - within a book.

Good night. Thanks for listening. :)