The Perfect Woman

Google about how to find perfect guys. You'll find numerous articles saying who to date and who not. But hardly there will be articles which could tell you what kind of girl you should date.

I take it upon myself as my responsibility to enlighten the world about what kind of girls, if they actually existed, would have been perfect for guys. The Perfect Woman. The mystery unknown. The ultimate piece of Godliness. Here they come:

• Date a girl who is well-read: Yes, friends. Being well-read is important. Being well read doesn't mean having read all Chetan Bhagat's books. Not even 'my' kind of books(see, I'm modest!). It means having a rich taste of good books. It assures you that the girl has a taste, a preference, that she won't take shit. And if she agrees to date you, it means you're something. How's that for confidence? This also assures that she would prefer 'hi' to a 'hieeeee' whenever you meet her.

• Date a girl who is funny: Almost sixty percent of the girls when asked what is the one quality that they would want in their dream-man, say 'sense of humour' or 'someone who would make me laugh'. While they easily pass on the difficult baton to us, since humour is, by no means, an ordinary talent; they forget to realize that even a man could desire some fun. Now don't twist your head, I'm not talking that kind of fun. In this multitude of sentimentality, it's a rarity to find a 'sense of humour' in the fairer sex, however keep your eyes open. Some woman with the fragrance of nitrous oxide might pass by. That's laughing gas, dumb-bash! (pardon my pathetic sense of humour!)

• Date a girl who is not-so-gorgeous: While most of us desire, and at some level, even fantasize about dating gorgeous girls, but let me tell you, almost 99% of them are very fussy. They'll make your life hell. Trust my experience. A not-so-gorgeous girl is perfect. She would listen to you, treat you like a teddy bear rather than a pet dog and you could make even your friends with gorgeous-girlfriends jealous by letting them know how teddy-bearish you feel like. 

• Date a girl who has an ambition: Now this may sound preachy but it pays in the long run. The woman must have something other than you, gossiping  and shopping to keep her busy with. It might be a desire to become a paragon in cooking, teaching, business or writing misandrist blogs. Or even changing the country. Ambition. It's a prerequisite, gives you breathing space and keeps her happy without extra effort on your part. Also, in case you happen to be a total sucker, this would run your home!

• Date a girl who is cool: This is very important. They should be cool with everything except three or more some. Yes, if she gets over-protective or over-concerned for you, just tell her to get lost since  you already have your Mom for such cute things. How would you ascertain on your first date that she's cool? Well, this is a tough nut to crack. But I've a trick. Tell her that you don't like her and check her reaction. If she is cool, she would remain cool. And if she's not, then make sure you know the nearest hospital around.

• Date a girl who likes you, rather than admire you: Liking doesn't require a reason. Admiration does. Admiration creates walls, makes you larger than life. Liking breaks walls, makes the liker likable. Admiration is for your qualities, liking is for you. I'm assuming that you're not a total loser.  Pardon me if I erred. Did you like this piece of advice? Now you can like my facebook page!

• Once, for few days, date a girl who is rich and spoilt: This is guy's side of the story. There is no such thing as free lunch for only those who haven't seen this side of the world. Always manage to date at least one rich girl, with a big car and a Louis Vuitton purse, so that later you could tell your grandson that you were nothing less than a Superman when you were young. Tell your chunnu-munnus about how you once dated a hot chick, who had a Beetle and who smoked pot, and dumped her when you got bored of her concern about the greenery in her purse rather than redness of your cheeks; and married their Dadi. If you are not a celeb like me right now, just follow this advice, you'll have a young fan following in your old age. Just make sure that the Dadi that you find for your grandchildren was more spoilt than the Beetle wali, else your Superman chaddi utar jaegi.

• Date a girl who is not too senti-menti: It's a heart-breaking statement but yes, a hefty percentage of girls are sentimental cry-babies. If you're a girl and you get offended by this, you clearly know what I mean. Such girls spend the majority of their time drooling over some random crush of theirs, who might be already committed; getting fascinated by some random celebrity so much that even dreams are 'haunted' by them; getting all emotional about some random crap that some lunatic guy said about their weight or dressing style and in worst cases, for not being able to share bitchy stories about their acquaintances to their friends. Date a girl who's opposite of all these, who sheds tears only when she cuts onions and you cook!

• Date a girl who's got some talent: Talents are interesting. Encourage her to pursue them. Make sure that she never ever gives them up because of any reason whatsoever. Appreciate her. It'll make her happy with herself and in turn, make you happy and proud. And nothing is greater than happiness, i.e. me: Harsh. Thank you. Now you can clap. 

And thus I enlist all my fantasies into one blogpost. If you're a woman having all these qualities, feel free to reach me at: harshsnehanshu@gmail.com. I'll fix up a date. With the perfect man. :)

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