Soulmate

Find me here, find me there
The world is too big to scan
When you find me, you would hear
That, it was all part of a plan!

ENNUI - On Present

I'm having a funny phase in my writing life. I'm at my creative best when it comes to wits, observations and conversational humour, but I'm facing a difficult time sitting and completing my novel. The reason, that I feel to be responsible behind this is the fact that while writing the novel, I'm lacking attention - not from my side but from the other side. I'm not sharing what I'm writing with anyone even though I desperately want to share, just because I want to complete it first, since I would not be doing justice to my creation or to my readers' eagerness by sharing just a small portion with them. I'm facing a writer's block, a rather strange one, where creativity is not restricted but perseverence is.

The end result is that I'm writing such meaningless notes, which tend to convey some meaning but actually conveys that I'm perplexed and weird - which has some meaning, but it's utterly useless to me, since I already know it. I don't know what I'm writing but I am noticing that I speak when I write and that's quite pleasing since I can notice that I can type at the speed at which I speak, which can be hell fast at times. I'm listening to a song called 'Another Day in Paradise' by Phil Collins. It's a simple 90s english song which has more of synth and less of guitars and drums. Phil Collins has a typical 90s voice, which seems similar to the commentator of WWE. The tune of the song is uncomplicated, fittingly romantic and the drum-beats remind me that it's based on the most basic beat that one learns in drumming. I also realize that such beats are available in almost all the versions of synthesizers, generally in the first ten of the 'style' beats with the name of '8 beat pop'. However utterly meaningless it may be, I'm wondering that you still are reading it with the hope that there will be something that would be interesting somewhere, whereas the matter of the fact is that it is, if you realize that I'm just writing what comes in my mind to break the block that I'm facing. It's called free writing. I don't know whether it works or not, because when earlier I tried it, I came up with a story called 'The Wait' in my blog 'Graffiti' and I was quite happy with the outcome. Presently, it's more about the present. The song has changed to 'Depend on me' by Bryan Adams. I like him, because he's sung some of the nicest romantic songs I've ever heard, my favorite being 'Have you ever really loved a woman?' I like it because I have. However, in this free flowing writing, I better should not spill my life's story, since writing an autobiography now after breaking this writing block is not my intention.

One thing that strikes my mind right now is the feeling of being good at something. It's an amazing feeling when you realize that you're really good at something. The feeling doesn't emerge from the fact that others like you, but rather, it emerges from the fact that you start liking yourself. When you feel your status messages are worthy of being preserved, when you feel the tunes in your head are worthy of being recorded, the feeling of having an idea worth pursuing and the feeling of a person worth sharing your life with just because you're good at making him/her happy; these are some of the most enchanting moments one would ever encounter. I feel good to feel good about something that I do, something that I am capable of doing. As a matter of truth, I also believe that no great thing can ever be achieved without that good feeling from within. I'm feeling good right now, since I'm actually in now, with Jagjit Singh's wonderful voice singing 'Kabhi yun bhi to ho' in the background. I like music. I like writing. And I like living. I think that's my dose of free writing, it's time to get back to the task waiting to reach its end, time to tell the story, time to live another world - within a book.

Good night. Thanks for listening. :)

Excerpt

An excerpt from the book under construction. Hope you like it.

'Another self-dominated diary entry got trapped between the heavy bundle of pages above it. There weren’t many pages left below to fight back the burden above. The page, carrying the helpless scribble of a struggling artist, succumbed to the weight and got immersed in gruesome darkness. The darkness that needed another sunrise of hope to relinquish itself.'

That Little Town

Once upon a time, there was a little town. It was a place where inhabitants were more popular than landmarks, where being social was a part of living, where people were satisfied with whatever little they possessed, where the status of a person was determined by his grace rather than his assets, where being cordial was not a necessity but a habit, where good food was meant to be shared with all the known persons, where a cricket ball hitting a window pane would instigate reprimand but not duels. I used to live in one such town. It was little, much like a cocoon, with a world of its own, away from the world that was outside.

The world is no more the same. It has changed. They say that change is good. But I could never accept it. My little town has been polluted. Polluted with jealousy, greed and amoralilty. In the race of being modernized, the cocoon that gave my little town its life, has been vandalized. Where has the belongingness gone? Why the neighbours who were earlier considered as 'Uncles' and 'Aunts' are now no more than 'people of Flat No. 121'? Why achievements have become more important than happiness? I miss my little town. Sometimes, I feel it to be illusionary, a figment of my imagination, maybe my childish sensibility couldn't unravel the stratas of the hidden feelings that lay beneath that superficial affection. Or maybe, the world indeed has changed. Change, that's not good. Not good at all. Amen.

They tried to change. They have changed.

They didn't try to change. They got changed.

They resisted change. They were changed.

They were dumb. They haven't changed.

P.S. Well, I'm dumb. Like it, only if you're dumb too.

Happy Ending

There is a reason why people like a happy ending. It makes you feel good, despite all the struggles that occurred before.

I've had a happy ending. The end is paving way to a new beginning, where things would turn different. Not that I want things to change, but I can't help the fact that they themselves are changing.

P.S. I like my state. It's called singlehood.

On indifference

I am not the same person that I used to be when I migrated from my hometown to Delhi. I've changed. I used to be a shy, self-conscious, opinionated, rigid and determined nerd who had an opinion about every single thing in this universe, who disliked things which didn't fit in his rationale. Now, I'm sort of detached to majority of the things in this universe. It's not that I've stopped caring, it's just that I've regulated things that I care about. You may call that I've become selfish.

Being selfish has its own pros and cons. It makes you focussed about your ambitions, but at the same time it makes you indifferent to majority of things which others think should bother you. The end result is that you unconsciously might end up hurting people - not by doing anything, but rather by doing nothing. Initially, people expect you to respond to things that you're indifferent about. But when they don't get the desired response, they feel bad and stop expecting. You get what you want - no expectations from you and they get to know what they should expect from you - no response. The end result is a different kind of freedom, which seems solitude at first and becomes loneliness later. Because when you come out of your ocean of self, you realize that there is nobody around to share your 'self' with. Your indifference becomes the cause of your desolation and thus, indifference gestating inside you gives birth to its offspring - depression.

Dear Mother

Dear Mother,

I've been fortunate to be the reason for your happiness since my early childhood. Perhaps that's why you named me Harsh. It has always been my endeavour to make you proud of me in things that I give my heart and soul into. Lately, I haven't been able to give you that contentment which you had always expected of me. I'm not sorry about it since the truth of the matter is that the thing that I've given my heart and soul has still not borne fruits and is going to take a long time. And you've got to wait, along with me, to celebrate the fruits of my passion.

The road that I've currently chosen is tough, full of prickles and deadly thorns, with the presence of countless possibilities - both heartening and disheartening. It's going to take a lot of time to be able to achieve anything which would make you proud of me, which would enable you to say proudly to your friends that your son is an entrepreneur, that your son pursued something different and made a mark of himself. The road is deadly; it might be possible that in the middle of the journey, I get so bruised up that I am not able to carry myself further. Forgive me, if that happens. The road is treacherous; it might be possible that at the end of the day, I sit back and realize that I've made tons of mistakes that I shouldn't have. Reinforce my faith, if that happens. Because it was you who taught me not to fear mistakes while chasing my dreams. I wouldn't stop. The road is unknown; it's possible that at the end of the day I realize that the road was not worth going into and I've to crawl back to the place where I began. Congratulate me on my experience, if that happens. I know that my path is risky. But that's what excites me. That's what gives me a thrill. That's what tells me the meaning of this life. That's what I attain bliss from. And that's what defines me.

Believe me mother, when I say that I heartily enjoy what I'm doing, despite knowing the facts that I might not be able to lead a comfortable life for the next two years, that I've become the least prospective bridegroom in consideration for any of the well-off families, that you have to fight the whims of the society which constantly pesters saying that I had been stupid in choosing the road less travelled over the conventional options, that it might ruin my chances of living a life free from hassles, that I might end up being bankrupt if things don't turn out as expected. The good thing is I'm not scared. The better thing is there is no bad thing, just because of the good thing. I'm ready to take the leap - leap into the unknown just to know where my end lies - across the sky or beneath the ground. I can't promise you success but I can promise you my hard-work, and I'll make sure that I leave no stones unturned to touch my dream to perfection.

Coming from your womb, I'm fortunate to be endowed with all your traits - determination, passion and love - which gives me the confidence to trudge this dangerous path with unmatched vigour and resilience to make the impossible possible. From my end, I can assure you that I wouldn't stop, not until my last breath - to sculpt my passion into a living icon. Please don't worry, and be happy, just because I'm happy.

With love and faith.

Your Son

Harsh

Promise

Those words, simple yet appealing
Touched my heart, the heart that was yours
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

Life had a reason
A reason to love, live and love again
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

Emotions meandered and meandered,
Until, it entered a road of bliss -
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

I thought, I felt and I believed
We were destined to be together
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

I thought you were to keep it.
You thought I were. The result was -
It remained a promise
That was to be kept, forever

YOU

I am feeling blue.

Lonely, but not alone.

In a place, that I call home.

The reason, being nothing new

Is that I am missing you.

10 things to do in 2011:

1. Write two books - Can't allow my laziness to spoil me anymore.
2. Travel abroad twice - Sometimes, extravagant breaks add spice to your life. My camera will rot in dust, otherwise.
3. Gym - God hasn't given me a pretty face. Why not make my body pretty?
4. Earn a B.Tech degree - Otherwise, my parents would bestow me a get-out decree.
5. Become very famous - yes, that drives me. Is it bad?
6. Date hot chicks - Yes, I'll be getting out of IIT, this year.
7. Set-up a plush office in Mumbai or Gurgaon - You got to make your parents happy, don't you?
8. Network with big people - my job requires me to do so. I like it. Who doesn't like smartness?
9. Drumming - Come on, there should be a place to vent out my anger.
10. Jog - who knows, I might be lucky to meet you!

Here I am

The placements have been the most amazing experience in my IIT life. I've got to learn so much about people, about professions, about companies, about competencies and about life. Besides that, I've got so many interesting stories to pen down, which I am incorporating in my coming novel.

Talking about life, it has two ways. One way leads you to where you want to be. Other leads you to where you need to be. Often, the latter takes you to the prior.

The Road Less Travelled

The sad fact of life is that when you want to trudge into a road less travelled, people don't show faith in you. Rather than appreciating you for going into something out-of-the-league, they try to bring you back to the traditional path. It irritates you.

They can't see what you are seeing. You just have to silently work and nod against all their advices and suggestions, letting them know that they're so right and you've been foolish in your ambitions. The moment of joy comes when someone unexpected comes to you and says your decision is right.

Well, very few people understand passion. Don't expect them to understand. Don't try to make them understand. Just say yes to all their advices and follow what you want. Ultimately, when you will emerge out successful, they would have known that it's not too bad doing something out of the league.

@My friends at IIT: I prepared for consulting just because I dreamt of being in McKinsey. Now that I didn't make it, I've no interest in going into any other consulting firm as a compromise. I've other options available. Hope you understand.

Thanks for reading. Wish me luck in the comments if you appreciate my choice to become a full-time entrepreneur rather than taking up a job.

On Failure

Ha! I experienced failure. It's hard, you know. The effort it takes to overcome the urge to break down, to cry out loud, to droop down and to surrender to the circumstances is immeasurable. The day for which you'd been preparing for months comes and passes by, slapping hard on your cheek saying that you didn't deserve it. Who likes it? You? Me? None of us. I know it's hard. It's harder to be hard in this situation. You can't let your loose side be visible to someone else. Ha! Nobody likes to be seen in tears.

The sun has set, it's pretty dark outside. It's cold. And it's biting. Biting hard. Life is so unfair. You never know when it can turn its back at your face. And trust me, its back looks yuck! It's smelly, dirty and detestable. At the bottom of your heart, you feel like slamming it really hard. Hard - I mean real hard. Things aren't easy, you know. Especially when you've thought so much about it and even thought so much after it ... it seems like a blank wall. They tell you the game isn't over. There are plenty of other opportunities in the coming days. They are silly. They don't know the game that you were preparing for is over. Over. And it's never gonna come back. Sad, isn't it?

I don't know why but I'm feeling a bit like a rider. The destination where I was planning to stop wasn't right, I think. Thankfully, my horse knows where it has to go. And, it's on the right track just because there is someone more intelligent than me who's directing it(read God). It's time to get to know my horse well. Synergy, as it's called, lies here.

Love

Every journey begins and ends at you. Why shouldn't it? It's for you and with you.

On Passion

Passion. The only word that can differentiate you from yourself. Because when it overpowers you, you're not you. You're the passion. Think about it.

Confusion

Do you know what's the meaning of confusion? Here it is - my career options. What to choose, if you can suggest a clear answer to my perplexity, I would bow down to you.

1. Full time entrepreneurship - Do I really want to go full time? Entrepreneurship can be started at any age, but taking up a desired job from the campus won't be possible later on.
2. Job - Taking up a job - seems like a smart choice. It's always better to gain some experience of working in a big firm. But would I be doing justice to my venture? Would I be able to take out time for it? Now that I've started up, I can't take a step back. Confused!
3. Full time writing - It's a secure job and one of the most enthralling one too. With already over 25,000 readers, I can pen down three novels every year and sustain myself financially quite comfortably. But again, I hate to be residing in my comfort zone. I want challenges! And what about the venture? It won't give me time to write. OMG!
4. Full time photography - This is stepping out of my comfort zone. I know I've the knack and I've the passion to pursue it. And this is one of the most exciting things. But am I really ready to take it up as a career? Again, my venture!
5. Studying further: I can study further. I can go pursue Physics in Glasgow University, I already have an offer for the same. I can apply for Creative Writing course in Cambridge. Or I can wait for my CAT score. But dude, am I ready to study further? Absolutely NO!
6. Learn Music: I want to learn composition. I want to learn music. Can I quit everything and pursue it? No, I don't think that I would. Come on, I can do it at any point of my life.
7. Or anything else - such as paragliding or bungee jumping? Hell no!

So the only option left is - doing everything at the same time and cracking my brains completely.

P.S. God help me, otherwise I'll come and kill you.

Story

Life's pretty much monotonous. Thanks to being an entrepreneur, every day there's something new and exciting, so much so that now these new exciting things don't excite me as much as they used to do before. That gives a reason for monotony. The one thing that entrepreneurship has taught me quite well is how to take success and failures in a spirited mood, because for an entrepreneur, every second moment is a challenge and the entrepreneurial life is full of failures with few successes. But at the same time, it brings an insuppressible urge for quality - you can't tolerate anything that's below average - you want everything to be perfect.

Since you're reading this, I've a good news to announce. I've been shortlisted amongst 21 finalists in an international story competition organized by Scinti. The voting phase is on and my story 'Short of Change' is competing for the top 3 spots. Help me win the contest by liking - Scinti page and then liking this link - Short of Change.

Your like will help me win. Please do. Thanks. :)

P.S. Love yourself. It makes you feel wanted even if you're not.

Introspection

It's not about success anymore. It's about happiness. That's what makes you successful.

Wait

Another lonely night

Ghastly!

Thunderous clouds just cried

Stars have gone to sleep

Exhausted

Shining besides mountain - so steep

I'm all alone

Waiting

For someone, my own

Memories come flooding

Trapped

Between the wrinkles - budding

The first time we ever met

Serendipity!

It was. It wasn't love, yet

Those serene eyes rested on mine

Enraptured,

I stood, as though I saw Divine

I began to say when you

Stopped.

Your finger on my lips - and dew

'Wait till midnight,' A whisper said

Anticipative,

I smiled while you left

I waited. Days. Months. Years.

Forty-five

The wait doesn't get over, here

The whisper haunts my life

Love

Betrays me every midnight

Old, withered and desolate

Hopeful

Of seeing those eyes again, I wait

The Fighter

Things are wrong, things are right

I speak truth, I don't fight

People defy, revolt and ignite

I speak truth, I don't fight

Ruthless, inhuman, were those Whites

I spoke truth, I didn't fight

Violence, famines, I saw all the plight

I spoke truth, I didn't fight

I am not weak, nor am I bright

I speak truth, I don't fight

When faith wavered, none held me tight

I spoke truth, I didn't fight

I didn't fight. I didn't need to fight.

With truth as my weapon, I already won the fight.

P.S. Check the date today.