On indifference

I am not the same person that I used to be when I migrated from my hometown to Delhi. I've changed. I used to be a shy, self-conscious, opinionated, rigid and determined nerd who had an opinion about every single thing in this universe, who disliked things which didn't fit in his rationale. Now, I'm sort of detached to majority of the things in this universe. It's not that I've stopped caring, it's just that I've regulated things that I care about. You may call that I've become selfish.

Being selfish has its own pros and cons. It makes you focussed about your ambitions, but at the same time it makes you indifferent to majority of things which others think should bother you. The end result is that you unconsciously might end up hurting people - not by doing anything, but rather by doing nothing. Initially, people expect you to respond to things that you're indifferent about. But when they don't get the desired response, they feel bad and stop expecting. You get what you want - no expectations from you and they get to know what they should expect from you - no response. The end result is a different kind of freedom, which seems solitude at first and becomes loneliness later. Because when you come out of your ocean of self, you realize that there is nobody around to share your 'self' with. Your indifference becomes the cause of your desolation and thus, indifference gestating inside you gives birth to its offspring - depression.

Dear Mother

Dear Mother,

I've been fortunate to be the reason for your happiness since my early childhood. Perhaps that's why you named me Harsh. It has always been my endeavour to make you proud of me in things that I give my heart and soul into. Lately, I haven't been able to give you that contentment which you had always expected of me. I'm not sorry about it since the truth of the matter is that the thing that I've given my heart and soul has still not borne fruits and is going to take a long time. And you've got to wait, along with me, to celebrate the fruits of my passion.

The road that I've currently chosen is tough, full of prickles and deadly thorns, with the presence of countless possibilities - both heartening and disheartening. It's going to take a lot of time to be able to achieve anything which would make you proud of me, which would enable you to say proudly to your friends that your son is an entrepreneur, that your son pursued something different and made a mark of himself. The road is deadly; it might be possible that in the middle of the journey, I get so bruised up that I am not able to carry myself further. Forgive me, if that happens. The road is treacherous; it might be possible that at the end of the day, I sit back and realize that I've made tons of mistakes that I shouldn't have. Reinforce my faith, if that happens. Because it was you who taught me not to fear mistakes while chasing my dreams. I wouldn't stop. The road is unknown; it's possible that at the end of the day I realize that the road was not worth going into and I've to crawl back to the place where I began. Congratulate me on my experience, if that happens. I know that my path is risky. But that's what excites me. That's what gives me a thrill. That's what tells me the meaning of this life. That's what I attain bliss from. And that's what defines me.

Believe me mother, when I say that I heartily enjoy what I'm doing, despite knowing the facts that I might not be able to lead a comfortable life for the next two years, that I've become the least prospective bridegroom in consideration for any of the well-off families, that you have to fight the whims of the society which constantly pesters saying that I had been stupid in choosing the road less travelled over the conventional options, that it might ruin my chances of living a life free from hassles, that I might end up being bankrupt if things don't turn out as expected. The good thing is I'm not scared. The better thing is there is no bad thing, just because of the good thing. I'm ready to take the leap - leap into the unknown just to know where my end lies - across the sky or beneath the ground. I can't promise you success but I can promise you my hard-work, and I'll make sure that I leave no stones unturned to touch my dream to perfection.

Coming from your womb, I'm fortunate to be endowed with all your traits - determination, passion and love - which gives me the confidence to trudge this dangerous path with unmatched vigour and resilience to make the impossible possible. From my end, I can assure you that I wouldn't stop, not until my last breath - to sculpt my passion into a living icon. Please don't worry, and be happy, just because I'm happy.

With love and faith.

Your Son

Harsh

Promise

Those words, simple yet appealing
Touched my heart, the heart that was yours
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

Life had a reason
A reason to love, live and love again
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

Emotions meandered and meandered,
Until, it entered a road of bliss -
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

I thought, I felt and I believed
We were destined to be together
It was a promise
That was to be kept, forever

I thought you were to keep it.
You thought I were. The result was -
It remained a promise
That was to be kept, forever

YOU

I am feeling blue.

Lonely, but not alone.

In a place, that I call home.

The reason, being nothing new

Is that I am missing you.

10 things to do in 2011:

1. Write two books - Can't allow my laziness to spoil me anymore.
2. Travel abroad twice - Sometimes, extravagant breaks add spice to your life. My camera will rot in dust, otherwise.
3. Gym - God hasn't given me a pretty face. Why not make my body pretty?
4. Earn a B.Tech degree - Otherwise, my parents would bestow me a get-out decree.
5. Become very famous - yes, that drives me. Is it bad?
6. Date hot chicks - Yes, I'll be getting out of IIT, this year.
7. Set-up a plush office in Mumbai or Gurgaon - You got to make your parents happy, don't you?
8. Network with big people - my job requires me to do so. I like it. Who doesn't like smartness?
9. Drumming - Come on, there should be a place to vent out my anger.
10. Jog - who knows, I might be lucky to meet you!

Here I am

The placements have been the most amazing experience in my IIT life. I've got to learn so much about people, about professions, about companies, about competencies and about life. Besides that, I've got so many interesting stories to pen down, which I am incorporating in my coming novel.

Talking about life, it has two ways. One way leads you to where you want to be. Other leads you to where you need to be. Often, the latter takes you to the prior.

The Road Less Travelled

The sad fact of life is that when you want to trudge into a road less travelled, people don't show faith in you. Rather than appreciating you for going into something out-of-the-league, they try to bring you back to the traditional path. It irritates you.

They can't see what you are seeing. You just have to silently work and nod against all their advices and suggestions, letting them know that they're so right and you've been foolish in your ambitions. The moment of joy comes when someone unexpected comes to you and says your decision is right.

Well, very few people understand passion. Don't expect them to understand. Don't try to make them understand. Just say yes to all their advices and follow what you want. Ultimately, when you will emerge out successful, they would have known that it's not too bad doing something out of the league.

@My friends at IIT: I prepared for consulting just because I dreamt of being in McKinsey. Now that I didn't make it, I've no interest in going into any other consulting firm as a compromise. I've other options available. Hope you understand.

Thanks for reading. Wish me luck in the comments if you appreciate my choice to become a full-time entrepreneur rather than taking up a job.

On Failure

Ha! I experienced failure. It's hard, you know. The effort it takes to overcome the urge to break down, to cry out loud, to droop down and to surrender to the circumstances is immeasurable. The day for which you'd been preparing for months comes and passes by, slapping hard on your cheek saying that you didn't deserve it. Who likes it? You? Me? None of us. I know it's hard. It's harder to be hard in this situation. You can't let your loose side be visible to someone else. Ha! Nobody likes to be seen in tears.

The sun has set, it's pretty dark outside. It's cold. And it's biting. Biting hard. Life is so unfair. You never know when it can turn its back at your face. And trust me, its back looks yuck! It's smelly, dirty and detestable. At the bottom of your heart, you feel like slamming it really hard. Hard - I mean real hard. Things aren't easy, you know. Especially when you've thought so much about it and even thought so much after it ... it seems like a blank wall. They tell you the game isn't over. There are plenty of other opportunities in the coming days. They are silly. They don't know the game that you were preparing for is over. Over. And it's never gonna come back. Sad, isn't it?

I don't know why but I'm feeling a bit like a rider. The destination where I was planning to stop wasn't right, I think. Thankfully, my horse knows where it has to go. And, it's on the right track just because there is someone more intelligent than me who's directing it(read God). It's time to get to know my horse well. Synergy, as it's called, lies here.

Love

Every journey begins and ends at you. Why shouldn't it? It's for you and with you.

On Passion

Passion. The only word that can differentiate you from yourself. Because when it overpowers you, you're not you. You're the passion. Think about it.

Confusion

Do you know what's the meaning of confusion? Here it is - my career options. What to choose, if you can suggest a clear answer to my perplexity, I would bow down to you.

1. Full time entrepreneurship - Do I really want to go full time? Entrepreneurship can be started at any age, but taking up a desired job from the campus won't be possible later on.
2. Job - Taking up a job - seems like a smart choice. It's always better to gain some experience of working in a big firm. But would I be doing justice to my venture? Would I be able to take out time for it? Now that I've started up, I can't take a step back. Confused!
3. Full time writing - It's a secure job and one of the most enthralling one too. With already over 25,000 readers, I can pen down three novels every year and sustain myself financially quite comfortably. But again, I hate to be residing in my comfort zone. I want challenges! And what about the venture? It won't give me time to write. OMG!
4. Full time photography - This is stepping out of my comfort zone. I know I've the knack and I've the passion to pursue it. And this is one of the most exciting things. But am I really ready to take it up as a career? Again, my venture!
5. Studying further: I can study further. I can go pursue Physics in Glasgow University, I already have an offer for the same. I can apply for Creative Writing course in Cambridge. Or I can wait for my CAT score. But dude, am I ready to study further? Absolutely NO!
6. Learn Music: I want to learn composition. I want to learn music. Can I quit everything and pursue it? No, I don't think that I would. Come on, I can do it at any point of my life.
7. Or anything else - such as paragliding or bungee jumping? Hell no!

So the only option left is - doing everything at the same time and cracking my brains completely.

P.S. God help me, otherwise I'll come and kill you.

Story

Life's pretty much monotonous. Thanks to being an entrepreneur, every day there's something new and exciting, so much so that now these new exciting things don't excite me as much as they used to do before. That gives a reason for monotony. The one thing that entrepreneurship has taught me quite well is how to take success and failures in a spirited mood, because for an entrepreneur, every second moment is a challenge and the entrepreneurial life is full of failures with few successes. But at the same time, it brings an insuppressible urge for quality - you can't tolerate anything that's below average - you want everything to be perfect.

Since you're reading this, I've a good news to announce. I've been shortlisted amongst 21 finalists in an international story competition organized by Scinti. The voting phase is on and my story 'Short of Change' is competing for the top 3 spots. Help me win the contest by liking - Scinti page and then liking this link - Short of Change.

Your like will help me win. Please do. Thanks. :)

P.S. Love yourself. It makes you feel wanted even if you're not.

Introspection

It's not about success anymore. It's about happiness. That's what makes you successful.

Wait

Another lonely night

Ghastly!

Thunderous clouds just cried

Stars have gone to sleep

Exhausted

Shining besides mountain - so steep

I'm all alone

Waiting

For someone, my own

Memories come flooding

Trapped

Between the wrinkles - budding

The first time we ever met

Serendipity!

It was. It wasn't love, yet

Those serene eyes rested on mine

Enraptured,

I stood, as though I saw Divine

I began to say when you

Stopped.

Your finger on my lips - and dew

'Wait till midnight,' A whisper said

Anticipative,

I smiled while you left

I waited. Days. Months. Years.

Forty-five

The wait doesn't get over, here

The whisper haunts my life

Love

Betrays me every midnight

Old, withered and desolate

Hopeful

Of seeing those eyes again, I wait

The Fighter

Things are wrong, things are right

I speak truth, I don't fight

People defy, revolt and ignite

I speak truth, I don't fight

Ruthless, inhuman, were those Whites

I spoke truth, I didn't fight

Violence, famines, I saw all the plight

I spoke truth, I didn't fight

I am not weak, nor am I bright

I speak truth, I don't fight

When faith wavered, none held me tight

I spoke truth, I didn't fight

I didn't fight. I didn't need to fight.

With truth as my weapon, I already won the fight.

P.S. Check the date today.

An Entrepreneurial Lesson

Avoid involving any relative or a good friend in your entrepreneurial venture, because there will be a boundary of the bond that you've with that person that will always be an obstruction between free flow of ideas, directions and responsibilities.

Consider this case: If he doesn't work, you won't be able to scold him to work just because he's your very good friend or relative. And neither would you be able to fire him, because he's again your kin. Now, if he works too much, he would not be comfortable being under your supervision and this would create problem. He would want to be at your level, which is outrightly impossible owing to professional hierarchies. It is really difficult to make them understand this fact. You would never want to share the equity with a person just because he's enthusiastic and also, your relative. Many a times, if there are any personal unresolved issues, you would find yourself bringing in those personal duels in professional situations.

I've often found rifts occurring in the team just because the other person doesn't like to be assigned tasks by a friend or a kin, because he doesn't want to be bossed around by a person with whom he shares a very intimate personal bond. And otherwise, if he's really interested in your work he starts encroaching too much in the administration of the entire venture, just because he thinks that the professional hierarchy doesn't hold for him and personal proximity that one has with that person holds at the professional level too. And this is when situations crumble up and things complicate. Friendship goes. Professional peace goes. And you end up irritated, a bit hopeless and sometimes even depressed, if you're too much attached to the person.

Your start-up emerges out of your desire and determination to render your idea plausible in the real world and you've thought very clearly about how you're going to do it. So, your good friends, working under your supervision, might not apprehend it and could create trouble very often.

Whatever I wrote is just out of experience. So, if you're the director of your venture, involve trustworthy but a little bit distant people, pay them and get the work done. Don't involve people who join you because of you. Involve people who join you because they have faith in your idea and they are capable as well as willing to make it happen.

I've tried my best to keep out all my close friends from my venture. Just to treasure our friendships. The only friend with whom you could be compatible in your venture will be your business partner, because he is your equal and you both will share the longer vision with unconditional faith in each other.

P.S. Starting up is not a picnic. Involving too many close friends and relatives might make it one.

IIT Life

Ten Best things that I've done in my IIT life:

1. Tasted all the grades - 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 and 10; except the E and F grade, which touch-wood, I don't want to taste.
   
   
2. Climbed the insti-top and got caught. The security officers were really tough-asses. Glad mine was tougher.
   
   
3. Did a mini-project under the worst professor of the Physics Department, Tarey, name unchanged to make sure intentional libel. After surviving three failed nervous breakdowns, two unsuccessful murder attempts and one almost successful suicide attempt in the process, he gave me an A grade. Sweet guy. Glad, I survived.
   
   
4. Fell in love. Fell out of it. Fell in love. Fell out of it. And the process continues ... unfortunately, with the same girl.
   
   
5. Wrote a book. Yes, being in IIT without even a book written by you - seems too sad and boring. That little fame, jealous peers and big money - who doesn't want that?
   
   
6. Made some real good friends. Fought with them. Befriended them. Kicked their asses. Let them kick mine, making sure I hit them twice as hard as possible.
   
   
7. Blogged. Yes, that's the best hobby ever. You would never ever get bored. Even if no-one reads your blog, you can always find that irritating little sucker called YOU who goes and reads some of your juvenile crappy bullshit, smiling in self-admiration.
   
   
8. Explored hostel LAN - completely. Yes, I've watched all the good movies, fast-forwarded; all the bad movies - at the normal pace. Yes, I'm a bad guy.
   
   
9. VIDESH YATRA. IIT-life without a hefty dose of firangs during summer looks quite incomplete. I went to Glasgow, UK, lived in a royal suite, traveled whole UK and earned my first money 1000 pounds, and invested them all in fun and more fun.
   
   
10. Cracked PJs. Not the poor ones, but the pathetic ones. Some of them being so bad that the persons hearing it felt a sudden shock wave up through their bodies until their head sprang up like the-center-shock guy and their legs shot in revenge at my cute little chubby ass. If you stood there in that serious condescending face of yours just because you didn't crack PJs, don't feel proud. You missed a HELL lot of fun.

Ten things that I'm yet to do in my IIT Life:

1. Get drunk.
2. Get drunk.
3. Get drunk.
4. Get drunk.
5. Get drunk. Now that I'm done, I think I'm done. Good night.

P.S. If the numbers seem wrong, don't mind. You're probably drunk too.

The Purpose of Life

Our life has a purpose. Everyone has his own. The good thing is I know my purpose. And it's called entertainment.

My life statement is - to keep myself entertained through each of the passing moments and to live in the glory of the fun of sheer entertainment that I get.

What's yours? Rather where's yours?

P.S. Search your purpose. It is a good pastime.

Dreamer

When night sky is dark,

Lull prevails, stark.

Dreamers see the light,

Invigorating. Ah, what a sight!

Inspired, he saw that sight.

Determined, to give a tough fight.

Lonely but not alone,

His ultimate fate lay unknown.

He was ready to fight the odds

Smash the hurdles and win the Gods.

The place was far, where he urged to go.

A stormy sea, awaiting conquer, he knew

Fully prepared, he began

A tireless journey, thus spanned

The waves lashed against his chest

He rowed and rowed, without rest

The sea seemed dark and endless

His spirit, however, soared amidst distress

Sea showed no mercy, ghastly waves rose up

He kept trying until the sea gave up

The sea lost

The dreamer won.

For he ran for his dreams, when

Others didn’t know for what to run.

Change is good

With time, there have been some changes in me. Hope these changes are good.

1. I've stopped reading novels based on 'love' by very young Indian authors. Being one amongst them, I know that the writings about love at my age are shallow and insipid.
2. I've developed a good reading habit. I finish two books in one week's time.
3. I've stopped reading new blogs. Just because most of the posts of unknown blogs are too verbose and irritating. I like short posts more, or else, it should be a rivetting story or an overwhelmingly brilliant satire.
4. I write in classes. Thanks to the back-benches for that.
5. I have developed an aversion to idle people.
6. I am clear about what I want. But the execution seems slow.
7. I have become more patient, at the same time, indifferent and detached to most of the things around me.
8. I have developed an inherent hatred to those who can't express themselves in writing or speaking, since I believe nothing conveys ideas and thoughts better than good communication. Hatred is wrong, but I can't help but hate.

Well, that's all. I tried to be honest, but as a human, I might have sub-consciously tried to hide my flaws. To be frank, they aren't many that you'll find. ;)

Change is good, after all.

P.S. I am feverish. And I want to get drunk.